Have you ever been with an autistic girl? Would you?

Have you ever been with an autistic girl? Would you?

(submitted by: Anonymous)

I’ve answered versions of this before, and it should probably go in the FAQ.

At this point, given the staggering breadth of presentation and the prevalence of self-diagnosis, I can’t answer that question directly… “autistic girl” can mean almost anything —or nothing— at this point.

But autistic or otherwise, you might have a rough time in my orbit if you have recurring struggles with:

  • navigating social situations
  • verbally conveying your own emotions
  • interpreting metaphors and emotional cues
  • processing unexpected changes to your routine

…’cause you’re gonna be part of a collective, you’ll be expected to Use Your Words, I frequently traffic in symbology and indirection, and I’m gonna want what I want when I want it… your priorities aren’t gonna run the show.

It’s about what you can —and can’t— do, not what label’s been attached to your capabilities.

I have a habit of falling for men way too old for me. And…

I have a habit of falling for men way too old for me. And the age just keeps going up. A 24 year old when i was 19, a 29 year old when i was 22, and now I’m 24 crushing on someone old enough to be my dad.

Idk if it’s me or them or some combination of it all but it makes me a little worried, i don’t want to be dating an 80 year old man when I’m 30.

I suppose at least with you theres no chance we date, just the offhand possibility that my crush on you crushes me. What is life without risk though?

(submitted by: Anonymous)

In terms of pure attraction, I don’t think you have to worry about your tastes skewing toward octogenarians. Barring non-romantic considerations, there’s probably an upper-limit on your urges.

My theory is that a functional age gap involves cultural overlap… for example, I get along well with Millennials and elder Z’ers because the TV/movies they watched while dad ruled the remote from his La-Z-Boy and the music they heard when mom dominated the dial in the car were the shows and songs that were making the biggest impression on adult-me. We took completely different things away from those shared influences, of course, but the point is that they’re shared.

So I expect you’ll max out with men around your dad’s age, give or take a few years… men whose interests are as familiar as they are alien, and thus as comforting as they are challenging.

As for being crushed by your crush… yeah, that’ll happen.

Good Afternoon Mr. Bedtime. I well a silly question. I guess something that I…

Good Afternoon Mr. Bedtime. I have.. well a silly question. I guess something that I feel ashamed about.

Is it wrong of me to want whoever owns me to put restrictions on what I can eat, or if I am allowed to eat at all that day? And control/track my exercise? I like knowing I am on track to be better/prettier for them because they control me. Pointing out flaws/insecurities and pinching/grabbing the icky parts I need to work on. And also the thought of being weak/low energy so I can’t try to fight back when they hurt me if I wanted to🥰 It feels wrong to want this. The psychological torment from someone I deeply love, knowing I have no immediate escape from it. Constant reminders of seeing the girls that turn them on and noticing they are the complete opposite of me. I don’t know what is wrong with me that I think about this and even touch to it..

(submitted by: Anonymous)

Is it wrong? Not necessarily, but potentially. It’s all about you, really… how well do you know that bitch?

The sort of relationship she desires is going to look bizarre to outsiders, but all that matters is how it makes her feel. As specified, it’s going to hurt her a lot, but she’s the kind of girl who always finds a way to hurt a lot… in this scenario, she’s at least hurting in predictable ways, at rational intensities, for reasonable periods, under the emotional lash of someone who is invested in her well-being. The goal isn’t not-hurting… the goal is to feel contained, sustained, and accepted. To feel more good than bad, and more meaningful than pointless.

So does she know that “better” can be measured in miles or microns, and the scale she uses will define how she regards herself as both a woman and a possession?

Does she recognize that effort is progress? Yes, Ghost of John Wooden, I agree we must not mistake activity for achievement, but activity is evidence of passion, and a passion that brings joy to others is love. If the only thing she does is bring more love into the world, then progress has been made. The day has not been wasted, and her service has served a purpose.

Does she realize that above all else, she must honor the most basic principle: “Protect the Property”? That she must always love him more than she loathes herself? That his claim to her supersedes her disdain for her?

And she needs to ask herself some questions. Does she yearn for this because she’s wants to grow, or because she wants to wither? Does she seek discipline or destruction? Is she looking to be molded or eroded?

But back to you…

I should point out that “whoever owns me” can be seen two ways. For example, do you mean the bar for ownership is super-high because you want to give him the most profound sort of control over your life? Or do you mean that you’re dying to throw all of this at the first man who’ll pick up the baton? My estimation of “wrongness” would vary greatly based upon how such a comment is interpreted.

hi, long-time listener, first-time caller. Would love your wisdom on an issue I’m having.I…

hi, long-time listener, first-time caller. Would love your wisdom on an issue I’m having.

I adore my husband. He is the absolute man of my dreams, and I pinch myself every day. But lately I really love teasing and flirting w other older men. No intention of hooking up. I just think it’s fun, and I like the attention. I love the banter and the looks I get back from them.

Even better when it’s a little inappropriate. My neighbor (also married) is super hot, and we’re clearly attracted to each other. I’m sure he can tell by the way I look at him that I dream of his hands around my throat.

I have zero desire to have an affair, but I really, really like the tension and flirting. It turns me into an animal. I cannot keep my hands off my husband afterwards.

It turns me on when other women hit on my husband and I wish he would just fuck their brains out. But I know most people don’t feel that way about their partners so maybe I’m not grasping how bad my “innocent flirting” really is.

Anyway. Is it really so bad? What can a happily married woman do to feel like a desperate, cock-obsessed, eager little cum slut? I love it.

I would never in a million years sleep with another man. But I love the tease so much it’s to the point I’m tanning in little bikinis all the time & eye fucking my neighbor every time we meet.

Is it really so bad? If:

  1. it stays at its current level, and…
  2. your husband knows what you’re doing…

…then of course it isn’t bad. As long as you’re enjoying yourself and making the world a happier place, I hope you get your flirt on every single day. You deserve a medal for your playful contributions to sluttery.

Buuuut… well…

Reading between the lines, I get the sense that hubbie doesn’t know the provenance of his dick’s post-flirtation good fortune. Which seems like a risky thing to withhold from someone who brings you so much pride and happiness… even if he supports the casual exercise of your sexuality, he might have complicated feelings about you bringing that energy directly back to him.

More than that, I’m betting his feelings might be extra-complicated once he notices that your behavior is (slowly) escalating, and that you get particularly turned on when (lightly) violating social norms and being a party to extra-curricular sex. None of that makes a slide into infidelity an inevitability, obviously, but it’s something I’d expect him to interrogate a bit.

Is he aware of how much you thrive on the buildup of tension? It’ll be much easier for him to believe “never in a million years” if he already knows that you’re more into squirming than scoring.

Oh, and one thing to consider… “I wish you’d bang other women when they hit on you” can easily be interpreted to mean “if you’d bang other women, it would give me a license to fuck around”, especially when combined with your enthusiasm for making the neighbors horny. So keep an eye on how those thoughts are interacting in his head. Once you’ve got it all sorted out, you can be the “desperate, cock-obsessed, eager little cum slut” of your dreams.

Which is nice, if you ask me.

I like seeing a woman achieve her goals.

I’m the girl with the boyfriend who was debating cheating. I literally read your…

I’m the girl with the boyfriend who was debating cheating. I literally read your response the night I got home from doing it. I feel horrible but I feel most horrible that I would do it again. I’m not because I know it’s wrong but I want to. What is wrong with me? I feel like a monster. Do I tell my boyfriend? Do I just forget it and pretend it never happened? Please tell me what to do. I’m so sorry.

(submitted by: Anonymous)

Thoughts:

  • Is what you did with your ex a vital part of your sexuality? If it is, you’re not doing anyone a favor by trying to bury it and pretend that the hunger doesn’t exist. The lies you tell yourself are even more damaging than the ones you tell others… you can’t learn from something you’re trying to forget.
  • In your narrative, you seem to be “horrible” and “wrong” a lot. Have you considered that maybe you’re not horrible… maybe you’re just different? And maybe your fundamental sexual and romantic drives can be “right”, even on those occasions when your repression and impulsivity have rendered your behavior “wrong”?
  • If you don’t want to hurt him with the truth, hey, that’s noble! But it also means you need to break up with him. That’s the basic deal here: you can keep him but confess your trespass, or you can lose him and hold your tongue. You don’t get to turn your fuck-up into a win for you… if you want to keep him, you’d better earn it, and he’d better be worth it.
  • You’re a kinky closet-case, not a monster.