Hi sir. I hope you’re well. I need some advice if you have time to listen. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about 3 years and we’ve lived together for 2. About a year ago I went through his photos (wrong of me I know) and saw that he was taking photos of me naked while I was sleeping and didn’t know. I brought it up to him and told him it made me feel uncomfortable but he’s more than welcome to take photos while I’m awake. I also send him naked photos all the time. He apologized and told me he wouldn’t do it again. Fast forward to now and I just went through his photos and saw that he’s been taking photos and videos of me while I’m sleeping again. Even worse, he’s been taking videos touching me while I’m asleep. This is particularly disturbing because I suffer from panic attacks and nightmares that usually cause me to wake up in a panic. He knows that a lot of my nightmares have to do with childhood trauma of being sexually abused and I’ve specifically asked him not to touch me while I’m sleeping because it often triggers nightmares/panic. What do I do? Do I bring it up to him? Because then I’ll be admitting I went through his photos again. But honestly I don’t feel very safe with him right now. I don’t even want to sleep by him anymore. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Okay, first things first: going through his phone is indeed shitty of you. It demonstrates your lack of trust in him, and the absence of any faith in your relationship. At best, it’s a really bad habit that can turn toxic if you don’t break it at the first opportunity.
There. Have you been sufficiently reprimanded?
Good.
Now get the fuck away from him.
‘Cause one of the following is true:
He doesn’t care about your bad dreams or the way his behavior makes you feel unsafe. He just wants to get off, and he’s not going to stop.
He cares about your nightmares and vulnerability, and they excite him. It thrills him, knowing how this affects you. He just wants to get off, and he’s not going to stop.
He doesn’t believe what you’ve told him about your history and issues, and thinks you’re being an overdramatic bitch about his fun. He just wants to get off, and he’s not going to stop.
If you look closely, you can probably spot the recurring theme there. You’ve caught him, explained your concerns, he apologized… and now, a year later, you’ve found that rather than stop, he’s actually escalated. He’s shown you what he values, and it ain’t you.
Remember, the world is full of girls who would love his kink… even the sneaky, creepy parts. It would thrill them to be molested and recorded in the night. Someone could give that to him at any time.
But he’d rather take it. And not from a normal girl, with a normal past and normal dreams. He’d rather take it from you.
Ask yourself why.
And then realize there’s no point in bringing it up to him. He knows he’s doing a shitty thing, and he knows how you feel. He has no explanation that will satisfy you. There are no assurances he can give you. The most he can do is bullshit you and play on your well-deserved but poorly-proportioned guilt until you shut up about it. For now.
In reality, short of setting up a Paranormal Activity camera at the foot of the bed and spending an hour a day fast forwarding through your sleep cycle in search of malfeasance, you will never trust him again. You’ll never relax around him. You’ll never have peace.
And c’mon kid… you deserve someone you can believe in.
The Daily Dad — May 9, 2024
Things you might want to know:
RIP ‘Red vs. Blue.’ Machinima Is Gone—but Its Legacy Is Everywhere 💭 I haven’t watched an episode of RvB in ten years, but I loved it early on… hell, I bought DVDs of the first few “seasons”. Granted, I lost interest in the show as their storytelling ambitions grew too lofty, but I’ll still miss Rooster Teeth.
Seinfeld vs. Stewart on whether Woke/P.C. has ruined comedy 💭 I get what Jerry’s trying to say, but he’s an old fuck and doesn’t understand how to talk about it. Yes, something has been lost… what people are calling “monoculture” was the connective tissue that kept a nation of diverse interests thinking of itself as a unit. When tens —hundreds— of millions of us were predictably doing similar things on similar nights and then having similar conversations around similar watercoolers the next day, sitcom laughter had a soothing, smoothing effect on society. But “woke-ism” didn’t kill “appointment television”… laptops and smartphones did. It’s comforting for an old man to think that we could return to a late 20th-century cultural stability if everyone would just chill, but sadly, the problem isn’t so easily addressed.
Streaming is cable now ❝ Last year alone, all of the major names in streaming — Netflix, Hulu, Disney Plus, Max, Apple TV Plus, Paramount Plus, and Peacock — raised their prices.
iPad Air vs iPad Pro dimensions: What does ‘Air’ even mean now? – 9to5Mac 💭 Apple’s “Air” branding hasn’t meant “smallest and lightest” since the unadorned MacBook debuted in 2015, so the concept’s been dead for almost a decade. At this point, “Air” is simply Apple-speak for “Lite”… you can have an iPad Pro, an iPad Pro Lite —the Air— or a bare-bones iPad. It’s only confusing if you need to pantomime confusion for clicks.
On this weekend’s episode of Mythbusters, we’re going to find out what really happens if you wrestle with pigs. Will I get dirty? Will the pigs enjoy it? Will something explode? Is Canadian bacon really different?
Would you ever consider owning a switch? Someone who would of course always be submissive to you, but might… possibly… really enjoy bullying other dumb cunts? 😇
Spit, snot, and phlegm? Find it disgusting and keep going.
Lobster and tenderloin from earlier in the evening? Find it disgusting, throw her off me, make her clean up her mess, kick her a couple times while calling her a vile little goblin, then keep going.
Being a self-destructive, heedless, and disdainful steward of my property is a deal breaker. Routinely engaging in disobedience is a deal breaker. Hating yourself more than you love me is a deal breaker.
Whatever the disorder, disability, or dysfunction, it’s the result that’s disqualifying.
