What’s more fun, taking advantage of a pre-broken girl, or finding someone who’s still perky and happy and well-balanced and fresh and breaking her?

This undoubtedly speaks volumes about me, but I’ve never had intimate knowledge of a Polly Pureheart. Even as a kid, I attracted the quietly freaky chicks, the ones with the smiling faces that hid all kinds of squirmy secrets. The authentic Good Girls and I just never seemed to cross paths.

And we’re all probably better off for it.