The fact that you’re flummoxed by basic human biology is a hoot! Ah, men and their delicate external genitals that they’ve broken the world to protect. Your blog reads more like Bedtime Stories from a Broken Boy.

Can I just say that this is the cutest, most scrupulously G-rated bit of disdain-mail I’ve ever received? I feel like I’ve been zinged by Ned Flanders or something.

Dear Anon: It’s nice knowing there are people like you in the world. Seriously, don’t ever change.