Essays and Bad Ideas

Go away now.

Dear Game of War:

Congratulations! You have my undivided attention! Do you have any idea how difficult it is to make me hate the sight of Kate Upton? It’s like you’re practicing some weird, psychological alchemy, where you transmute my love of tits into a barely-suppressed urge to throw my iPad across the room.

Now that I’ve acknowledged the cleverness and success of your little experiment, can you pretty-please stop poking me with a jiggly, blonde stick everywhere I go online? I’d really appreciate it.