Because I am a golden god, forge-birthed in the heart of a galaxy long dead, sent by All-Father Particle and Mother Wave to bless you with the cosmic experience of my incandescent glory… from a safe and reasonable distance. To touch me would be a death too exquisite for description, too lingering for comprehension, and too likely to drive up my insurance rates.
Also, I’m coming to accept that my depression is rather profound, and I need to be responsible about taking on, um… responsibilities.
By all means, flirt with me as is your wont, and grace me with your nudes as you will; it shall always be appreciated, and I provide praise where possible. (Harsh criticism available upon request, just like Dad used to make.) But about all I really have to *give* is what you’re reading right now.
With that said, I’m always in the market for muses, so if that’s your kink, we can talk. In my current state, I’m better off writing about you than trying to fuck you.