I’m copying ideas? From “him”? Oh, thank god! You have no clue how relieved I am to hear that. Please forward the following note on my behalf.
Dear Dude From Whom My Ideas Spring:
What’s your deal, you lazy motherfucker? I haven’t written shit in months, and assumed that was my fault; I figured depression had finally wrecked what passed for my creative process. But now I know it’s you; you’re not giving me any goddamned ideas!
I oughta kick your ass, you lackluster fucking hack. How dare you get me hooked on your exciting notions and scintillating turns of phrase, only to withhold them like a bitch trying to score a new tennis bracelet? You, sir, are an asshole.