Questions and Answers

I watched ‘The OA’ today on your suggestion, and I have so much to say. It is such an amazing show. Yet all my brain keeps going to is the dark terrible things that could be done to me in that basement. Any way I can request to get some validation that I’m not more broken than everyone else? If not that validation then consolation and encouragement to explore it?

You’re sick. The OA is a thoughtful, modern fairytale about life and death, not some demented fantasy playground for a self-involved slut with a masturbation addiction and a penchant for ritual abuse. I’d tell you to be ashamed of yourself, but I suspect that kind of thing would just make it worse. And by “it”, I mean “you”.

But as luck would have it, I’m almost as awful as you are. (Spoilers ensue.)

I judge movie/tv villains by how sexually creepy they are; for me, the line between “mad scientist” and “evil psychopath” tends to run right through Rapeville. (Which I imagine to be something like Pleasantville, only with Tobey Maguire’s black-and-white dick laying waste to every throat in town.) So I was both pleased and puzzled when Hap leaned (mostly) toward mad scientist.

Pleased because that meant I could try to empathize with him a little more; puzzled because in Hap’s place, I would have fucked The OA right in front of Homer and made her do The Movements with my jizz in her eyes. Had I the temperament and wherewithal to abduct and torture multiple young people over a period of years, I seriously doubt I’d be able to keep my dick in my pants beyond the first week. I mean, exactly how many times are you supposed to watch a girl drown before you at least start beating off?

(By the way, that last sentence makes a great conversation-starter at parties. Try it.)