Essays and Bad Ideas

I don’t want to yell.

Okay, sure, absolutely, I do want to yell at girls, to make them afraid or wet or both. But not when I want them to actually hear me.

That’s why I like the kind of girl I like. Because I don’t have to shout, make my face burn red, or put my fist through the wall next to her head. I can just sit her down, smile, and proceed to explain all the ways she’s failing me. Critique her performance as a person and as property. Sketch for her the broad strokes of my expectations, and stress the importance of creativity in her implementation of those goals. Make her understand that, yes, everything is her fault, but that just means she can make everything perfect if she tries hard enough.

Trying to speak to the broken little girl inside a grown-ass woman is often a challenge, but I assure you, we can do it using our inside voices.