I’ve had a shitty couple weeks: got sick, managed to hurt myself while sick —you blood fetishists would have loved it, but I was less amused— and have generally felt like warmed-over garbage.

So instead of dirty stories and provocative commentary from me, you get more pop culture bullshit. Congratulations!

• Okay, so MoviePass may be part of a worrying trend of analytics-driven business models, but I’ve got to tell you, they’ve nailed the customer experience. I’ve now seen Infinity War and Solo, and I’ll probably see Deadpool 2 before the week is out… all for a total of $9.95. It only adds one smartphone screen tap to the ticketing process, and I was honestly surprised by how smoothly things went. Granted, they’ll probably be out of business in a year, but for right now, the service is kind of awesome.
• Speaking of Solo: I didn’t hate it, but I’m glad I saw it for free. Emilia Clarke was a small actress in every sense, Woody Harrelson was serviceable but predictable, and more than anything, it turns out I’m just not interested in seeing the universe (re-)expanded. The Star Wars brand of fluffy-nonsense science-fantasy just doesn’t lend itself to world building; it’s a franchise that has looked relentlessly backward from it’s very beginning, and if you want me invested in anything beyond one particular family of space-samurai, then you need to be looking forward.
• Speaking of which: The Expanse lives on, and I’m not cancelling my Amazon Prime account, even with the price hike. I’m not in love with where the current season is heading —I fear I’ve seen the last of my giant, beloved Bobbie— but The Expanse provides more food-for-thought in the background of its scenes than the Star Wars universe as a whole.
• (With that said, thank you Kasdans, for retroactively rationalizing “in under 12 parsecs”, something that really pissed me off when I was twelve. Although now that I think about it, isn’t it weird that there’s now a family of men whose primary work in this lifetime has been making another writer’s work seem less shitty? There’s something sad and/or beautiful about that.)
• (And with that said, both Alden Ehrenreich and Donald Glover are quite adept at recreating the vibes of other actors’ performances; I think Glover comes off better because Lando is written as Lando, while Han is written like an awkward amalgam of motivations that come off like continuity patches rather than human desires and decisions.)
• Of course, the most mind-expanding entertainment available right now is Legion, which long ago devoured its own source material and bloomed into a metaphysical exploration of consciousness, causality, and the way great male minds torture the women who adore them. Also —and I can’t say this often enough— I love Syd. I want her to be my TV girlfriend. (“He’s my man.” “I’m. On. Your. Side. Asshole!” Good stuff.)
• We rediscovered Reno 911! last week, and I couldn’t be happier. I loved The State and Wet Hot American Summer as much as everyone else, but my favorite State sub-group will always be Lennon/Garant/Kenney. (I’m a Cleese/Palin guy, too, for the record.)
• Arrested Development is back, but I’m still only halfway through a Fateful Consequences (re-?)viewing, so I haven’t yet indulged in season 5. I clearly lack George-Michael’s impeccable sense of timing, if not his overt sexuality.