If you close your eyes, your perception will bend and twist along with your body. Before long, the house is nicer, the lighting’s better, and the pot-bellied sadist behind the camera suddenly looks a little like Chris Hemsworth. You’re no longer just a collection of irrational insecurities wired to a clitoris; you’re a beautiful, idealized object, transported via your submission to a state of transcendent bliss.

Meanwhile, in the real world, your ass is about to bleed.