If you would let us fuck you or worship you the way we want, you wouldn’t be just a Brita filter. You would have your harem. I just know I’m not ever going to make it in. What I can’t figure out is if that makes me relieved or really really depressed.

Ah, but you see, avenues of worship are opening as we speak! They’ve actually been opening for most of this year… I’ve just kept that fact between me and a couple specific nitwits who managed to somehow win themselves a preview. (Patient girls are lucky girls. Tell your friends.)

So be assured, Mount Bedtime has awakened from its three year slumber, and will be accepting sacrifices —virgin and otherwise— soon enough. (Kelly is standing by.)

But just so you know, while the circle of girls I fuck will always be small, the floor at my feet has plenty of room for those who know what they are and where they belong. Figure out if you’re one of them and let me know.