Underboob Island

So, Love Island is back, and I have thoughts and questions.

1. What the fuck is up with all the underboob outfits? The line between “sloppy” and “sexy” isn’t meant to be so fine, ladies… I should never have to question which you are.
2. How the hell did French-cut one-pieces come back in style? I hated that shit in the ‘80s, and the look hasn’t improved with age.
3. So, let’s say you’re a guy who spends enough time at the gym and getting his dick wet to be abnormally secure in yourself. Okay, fine. But you should never, ever be so secure that you’re willing to go on television and tell the world that your mom shaves your ass.
4. I’m amused the Latin ballroom dancer has a more damaged face than the professional boxer. Just goes to show that a five foot, ninety-five pound girl in heels can fuck you up with her feet faster than a gloved punch.
5. Lucie, stop trying to make “bev” happen. And I’d take it as a personal favor if you’d stop looking like Kesha. Thanks.
6. If Joe doesn’t stop licking his lips, I’m gonna have to ask someone to kick him in the balls.
7. Yawande is so sweet. She has all the sexual charisma of a young Kathy Bates, but she’s very sweet.
8. Amber is not a diva, people. Divas are good at something. Amber’s just a bitch.