“You know what I want to do this evening, baby?”
“Always!”
“I want to take you out somewhere for dinner.”
“Yay!”
“And when we get up to leave, I want you to tilt your head back, open your mouth, and wait for me to spit in it.”
“What?”
“Just sit still, open wide, and I’ll spit in your mouth in front of everyone.”
“But?”
“I know. Everyone will be disgusted. By you. You might even put someone off their meal. I’d feel bad about it, but this is what happens when you take a disgusting child out in public.”
“Please…”
“Oh, and be sure to make yourself up really nice. Everyone should be looking at you. I want you to be the prettiest girl in the room.”
“God—“
“Yeah, I know, that sounds like a tall order. If all else fails, there’s Taco Bell at 2am. Even you can be the belle of that ball.”
“…”
“What happened to ‘yay’?”
“Yay.”
“That’s my girl.”