My first video game was Pong. Okay, technically, it was a clone of Pong, with a few extra games built-in… it even came with a light-gun accessory, which was used to shoot a white block that floated randomly around the screen. A year or two later, we had an Atari 2600 —okay, again, it was a 2600 clone made by Sears— and I was hooked.

I was the first person in my neighborhood/school to have a home computer. I sold my bike to buy it, specifically because I wanted to dedicate myself to learning to “program games”.

Playing Mario 64 the first time was practically a religious experience. Everything was new, and yet somehow felt perfectly natural.

In the late ‘90s, I built a web-based, multiplayer word game for kinky people. It was the one and only time I used Flash for anything, and the server-side code was a ridiculous joke, but it worked and it was fun.

An embarrassing amount of my early 21st century was spent playing Oblivion, Skyrim, and the various Fallouts.

And I tell you all of the above to tell you this: to me, Half-Life: Alyx is bigger than all of it.

It’s the most technologically impressive game I’ve ever played; every setting is beautiful —beautifully wrecked— and more importantly, each feels like a unique, rationally-constructed space. And it’s a showcase for the Index Controllers, which feel more like extensions of my hands than any other controllers I’ve owned.

But the big thing is that HL:Alyx haunts me. Not in some dark way… it just lingers in the back of my mind. I find myself feeling vaguely resentful that the real world won’t let me hold out my hand, flick my wrist, and have objects fly across the room and into my grasp. (This can be simulated with an obedient girl, but it’s not the same.) I care very little about the story —Half-Life’s lore never interested me— but the world that Valve has built around it is fascinating, and a welcome respite from stay-at-home reality.

This is what people have always meant when they talked about “virtual reality”. It’s finally here.

PS: If you get a chance to play it, let me give you the key to making the first couple hours about 10x more satisfying… [sort-of spoiler] when a headcrab lunges for your face, you can snatch that little fucker out of mid-air with your free hand, shove your pistol in his mouth, and pull the trigger. Try it. You’re welcome.