Okay, this is going to traumatize you, so I need you to sit down and steel yourself.
…
I have no fucking clue. 🙂 I was too old and childless for the books, and while I sat through the movies, I did so while struggling to stay awake.
With that said, I have sought the council of someone who knows me as well as she knows Harry Potter, and she has informed me the answer is:
Ravenclaw.