This is a serious ask. I’m a woman in my late twenties. I’ve been on tumblr for a while. My question to you… do you think its possible for a younger dom to actually understand the concept? It just seems like a lot of these younger guys take on the role and I’m not sure it comes from a genuine place. Porn has certainly hasn’t had a very positive effect on young men, too. Theres no context behind some of the more hardcore stuff out there. I’m just a little put off by what I’m seeing. plz help.

Okay, first: yes, of course it’s possible. Clever, thoughtful young men exist, and as the Fox News audience demonstrates, old men are frequently dim-witted fuckwads. Age is a very coarse filter.

But how likely is it? It kind of depends on what you’re including under the umbrella of “the concept”. I was an early-20s, moderately sadistic daddy-dom once upon a time, and I was more or less competent to engage in moderately sadistic daddy-dom behavior. My elders in the community thought highly of me, and actually started following my lead in my late 20s.

If “the concept” includes the subject matter of this blog, though… ? That’s tougher. Was I competent at, say, 25 to touch any of the stuff I toy with now? Absolutely not. I had all the tools at my disposal, and I was smart enough for the job… god knows I was infinitely more energetic than I am now. But I hadn’t spent enough time listening to people and learning to see the world through their eyes. I knew how to push some buttons, but I didn’t know what was going on inside the black box; I hadn’t yet learned to reverse-engineer a girl.

Your porn reference actually makes me question the relevance of my perspective, though. It’s very different being a young, kinky man today. I had zero access to violent pornography in my 20s, and the people who taught me the fundamentals of BDSM were all 40+ year old men and women who didn’t let me get away with my shit. If I were in my 20s today and logged into Tumblr as darkalphadaddydom369, how would I end up? Who would be holding me accountable? I have no fucking idea. It’s at moments like these that I’m reminded I was really privileged as a kid.

So… I dunno. Maybe worry less about the age of the man and more about how he views the world. I know that clarity and confidence make submissive girls’ panties wet, but if you make a point of finding a dominant man with an open mind and a willingness to be wrong, all the bad porn and lack of mentoring in the world won’t stop him from being a decent human being.

And decent human beings can fuck you up the right way.