I have a tendency to choose boyfriends that turn out to be more than a little unstable, besides emotional abuse I’ve even been hit a few times. It’s getting harder and harder to convince myself that I’m not at fault. Maybe my subconscious seek out men that are willing to step over the line or maybe they can see it in me? I’m asking because you are honest, what do you think?

We’re all at fault for something, kiddo. Unless you exist in a volitional vacuum, you are a contributor to your state. But fault is never distributed evenly across the turbulent medium of relationships… owning some percentage of responsibility does not make you the center of gravity in your life’s clusterfuck.

Are there things you can change? Sure. Do you need to learn more about what motivates you? Always.

But does your subconscious want to make you suffer? I think if there’s any substance to your concerns about yourself, it has more to do with impulsivity and blunted instincts —both the result of emotional scar tissue that has accrued over a lifetime— rather than a shallowly buried urge for self-sabotage.