“Is it bad that I got my paycheck this week and I received a bonus?” “Is it bad that the $5 necklace I bought at an estate sale had a real diamond on it?” “Is it bad that my boyfriend is really sweet but also makes me cum like an unhinged fuck-demon sometimes?”
C’mon, kid… quit trying to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
And for the record: you can choose how you prioritize, rationalize, and indulge your feelings, but you don’t choose the feelings themselves. You can turn away, but you can’t unsee the Dad inside Daddy.