Since her diagnosis, she has withdrawn into herself even more than her usual introverted self and barely communicates with me. How do I help and support her through this time while she shuts me out, without forcing her to communicate and me invading her space causing her to withdraw further?
Holy hell… my sympathies and positive vibes go out to both of you. That kind of news hits the brain like a hammer, completely scrambling our priorities and triggering our most primal, self-protective instincts.
The first thing you should consider is getting some counseling, ‘cause a neutral third party might help her unburden herself. Never underestimate how complicated her reasons for withdrawal might be… somewhere beneath the haze of the diagnosis, she might be trying to protect you from her existential terror and the full scope of her rage. A facilitator might help her express things without worrying about how they’ll hit you.
Beyond that, bear in mind that at some point, she’ll start mourning the loss of certainty in her flesh and future… like all of us, she’s always had a child’s confidence in the sunrise and her place beneath it. So if I were you, I’d focus on doing all the small things that at least suggest a sense of security… make little promises and religiously keep them, stay attentive even when she’s remote, and for right now, be more of a cushion and less of a blanket when comforting her.
When she’s ready to wrap herself up in you, she’ll let you know.