Questions and Answers

I couldn’t do the CNC play.

I’d be too afraid that I’d make a mistake, miss a signal, be too lost in the moment to hear a safe word and actually rape my submissive :/

(submitted by: @Anonymous)

I’ll tell you a little secret: you’re not really afraid. Or at least, you’re not afraid of what you might do… you’re worried about how she might feel. I suspect it’s not your intentions or self-control you’re doubting… rather, you doubt she’ll be on your side when the worst happens, and don’t believe she’ll know you’re on hers when the chips are down.

But here’s another secret: though the self-serving confusion professed by some men would suggest otherwise, girls are actually kinda hard to rape. They’re not malevolent harpies bent on creating opportunities for vengeance; if you admit to a mistake and deal with it, a mistake is what they’ll see. If you’ve made sure you’re both on the same path and they’re fully invested in walking the tightrope with you, they’re not going to condemn you when one of you lose your footing. They don’t want to see the worst in you; you really have to shove it in their faces for them to even notice it.

Which means that all you need is advance effort. Get to know them. Listen closely. Speak clearly. Learn their reactions to the unexpected. Call out your own fuck-ups so they know you can spot them. Respect everything they’re risking for you, and give them a proportionate serving of trust in return.

Which isn’t to suggest that you should engage in CNC. Obviously, if you’re not supremely confident in the intentions and capabilities of everyone in the room, don’t even consider it. But if it’s something both you and your partner are willing to work for, well… remember to have a little faith in her.