Questions and Answers

Does everyone get safe word? My daddy said safe words are for babies and…

(submitted by: @Anonymous)

Does everyone get safe word? My daddy said safe words are for babies and I’m a big girl so I don’t get a safe word

I haven’t known many babies —as I find smelly, shrieking things are best avoided— but I am unaware of an initiative to assign them all safewords. Is this a European thing? I feel like it’s a flawed idea.

In related news, your daddy is kind of a dumbass. Trying to goo-goo-gah-gah you out of a safeword you clearly value is pure hackery. Let’s put aside issues of safety or responsibility… I’m sorry, dear, but he sucks at this.

When proper grown ups share crucial information or mandatory policies with children, they clearly and succinctly explain themselves. They save the hand-waving, bullshitty ‘cause-I-said-so stuff for talks about the nature of blue skies and the relative value of recycled foam as a playful amuse-bouche to contrast with the subtle notes in mom’s soon-to-be-flushed spaghetti.

Expect better. Expect an answer good enough that you don’t find yourself anonymously fact-checking him with creepy strangers. In short: expect more.

Not a lot. Let’s not go crazy here. Just more. A nice, simple, safe more.