(submitted by: @Anonymous)
Do I recognize them? When they want me to, sure.
- I spot them when they’re obsessive fangirls… everything I post gets a like, and it’s a race between the handful of them to see who will be the first to ❤️me.
- After that fevered period of eager masturbation and adulation, their ardor eventually cools… or perhaps more accurately, changes state. Something shitty happens in their lives, or something good that makes them feel guilty, or I just get a little boring… whatever the case, their presence continues to be felt, but I can tell they’ve stopped tapping on every notification the moment they see it. At this point, they’re hanging around because my personality is as soothing as it is arousing.
- One of two things happen from here. Either (a) the balance tips toward “soothing” and I become a weekly serving of Chicken Soup for the Tattered Soul. They seldom actually disappear, but they’re now occasional visitors rather than lurkers. Or (b) they finally summon the courage to reach out to me. They usually fall flat on their faces and return to stage 2, but sometimes their dreams come true. They then spend a lot of time lamenting all the time they wasted lurking, which I find adorable in its dumb little way.
Why would it bother me? A girl should always take her time when choosing new religions and incurring debts.
And this shit is both.