My boyfriend and I don’t do safewords and no doesn’t mean no for us. I love our time playing but what can I do to get him to stop when I really mean no?
You seem a bit blithe about all of this, which to be honest feels a little concerning. You’re shutting down a core safety mechanism without any apparent compensatory measures. And worse, your phrasing makes it feel like you’ve agreed to something without really considering the consequences.
And for the record, kiddo: under no circumstances should you need to approach a stranger on the internet for ways to communicate vital information to your partner… it’s his fucking job to provide that.
With all that that said, let me try to give you something more than dire warnings.
My girls don’t use my name in my presence, because I’m not the kind of dad who’s on a first name basis with his daughters. The loss of that word is also a small, intimate sacrifice, and I appreciate such things.
As a result, my name becomes a remarkably effective replacement for a safeword… I will always react to it because life has conditioned me to do so, and I will be snapped out of my headspace by the sound of a forbidden word leaving someone’s lips.
Granted, it’s not a system meant for hot-tempered, aggressive types… if a dom gets angry rather than curious when someone breaks a rule, it won’t work. But the point is, if both of you are determined to reject using a safeword, there are arguably more organic alternatives out there that can deliver similar results.
Oh, and as a rule of thumb? Never let a man take away a necessary thing until he’s ready to explain how he’ll cope with the underlying necessity.