So Irene, this is…?
Paul.
Hi.
Sit up, Paul.
Sit up, Paul!
Sorry.
You’re forgiven. So tell me, Paul… has Irene made this situation clear?
…
Answer him.
She said… she said she’s prepared to leave, that she’s cutting ties. And starting over with something new. That she loves me, and doesn’t want to lose me. That I should come with her, and be part of it—
Bold of her to offer a part in a play she does not direct, but go on.
…she said I should talk to you, and find out… what, like, life would be like? For me?
That’s a great question, Paul. Good job.
…thanks?
Don’t—!
It’s fine. He didn’t mean anything. Did you, Paul?
No.
See? Worry-wart.
Now, Paul… you want to know about your life? Well, that’s complicated. Let me hit you with the benefits, right up front.
You’ll get to watch me fuck your wife. Well, once she’s worth fucking. It’ll take a while. But once she’s ready, you’ll get to watch. Because —and I cannot make this clear enough— I’m definitely going to fuck your wife. That’s a thing that will happen.
I don’t know if—
I think you know, Paul. That you’re sitting here at all speaks volumes. I think you know, and you’re okay with it. In fact, you suspect I may have already fucked her. Furthermore, you suspect she loved it.
And she did, Paul. Once. I had to metaphorically hold my nose throughout, but she had a magical time. She was fulfilled, Paul. Can you imagine? Perhaps not. But I can help with that.
God.
You know the real reason the Israelite god insisted on never taking his name in vain? Because he got sick and fucking tired of hearing it every time some girl became exasperated. Shut the fuck up, you distracting cunt.
Sorry.
Forgiven.
And Paul, there are other opportunities that will perhaps interest you in more conventional ways. For example… I’ve got a rotating cast of aimless, desperate girls on hand at all times. All are useful, but fucking them isn’t worth my time. Perhaps, on occasions when you’ve been pleasing —or at least inoffensive— I might be persuaded to let you bed down with a pig or two.
Wh— what?
You look like you’re having a heart attack, Paul. Are you—? Or… oh for fuck’s sake.
Wh- what?
Irene, is he—?
Oh god, yes. Like you wouldn’t believe.
For fuck’s fucking sake, Paul. Seriously? This is just ridiculous. Do you realize that if I came at a woman on this basic level, she would barely be at the starting gate? But you—? Fuck. You’ve lapped the field. From the look on her face, you could pound nails with that thing.
This is one of the reasons I don’t like men. They lack dignity.
I know.
She said ruefully, eh, Paul? Ha! Anyway…
I cannot believe that’s all it took. Like, two girls? That’s it? Sweet fucking hell… to be so young and simple! But yes, from time to time, when I’m happy, you’ll live out a dream with my blessing.
But I—
I can sweeten the deal, Paul. Because Irene here will never say a word. She will never disapprove. Even if you openly like some other cunt more than her, she’ll take it. If she walks in on you in your marital bed, she’ll apologize and offer to change the sheets.
Hey! What? Are you—
I don’t think much of men, you interjecting piece of shit, but whatever they may be, they are not cunts. So they’re people. And as people, they don’t deserve to have their conversation interrupted by a fucking cunt.
Sorry.
Forgiveness under consideration.
sorry
You’re not making it better.
Irene will never utter a harsh word or harbor a cold thought about any dalliance that I bless. If it has my stamp of approval, you can do as you please without consequence.
With that said, I’m guessing she’ll cut your throat and watch you die if she ever catches you cheating on me. Just a tip, Paul? Never give a woman a place to put her rage.
I— I’m not…
Good boy.
Quick, check him, Irene. Still?
Yep.
Still hard after a “good boy”? This is too damned much.
I’m so embarrassed right now.
You should be. Not for simply bringing him to me, because clearly, he needs help. But you should be embarrassed for ever marrying this specimen. I kind of get why you wanted to bring him along, though. He’s like a puppy you adopted and don’t want to abandon.