so i would like some advice if you can please.
I am submissive and i don’t have much experience i’m 19 And I met a DOM on the internet we live in neighboring cities We had 2 dates in the two we had sex And all the domination was very good I had never done anal and we used plugs and stuff.
On the second date he wanted more anal than fucking my pussy But he wanted it in doggy style which hurt a lot I said I was hurting a lot and we changed to other positions and other things .
Today we talked about a possible next meeting I said I didn’t like anal In doggy and that he preferred in other positions and he told me that I was trying to command the scene and It wasn’t me who had to decide the positions and stuff But I was communicating because it really hurt more than bearable And he told me that next time he would make it stronger and if I was at my limit I was supposed to say my safeword.
But I don’t feel safe to push myself to the limit of something new and we had this discussion for almost 2 hours and he wanted me to put a plug in the middle of the discussion for him to see I just want to make sure he’s not right.Because I read a lot and saw a lot and I don’t know I got weird after this conversation I don’t know if I trust him anymore.
I know it’s long I’m sorry didn’t know who to ask Thank you very much
And I’m sorry if something is spelled wrong English is not my first language
(submitted by: Anonymous)
Kiddo, when you tell a man “that hurts” and he replies with “stop bossing me around!”, it should conjure a series of thoughts:
- He’s not really listening.
- He may actually be twelve years old… check his ID.
- Someone who can’t tell the difference between feedback and usurpation isn’t going to respond gracefully to your use of a safeword.
- He seems supremely confident in his understanding of what you can take, and dismissive of your self-assessment. But what, pray tell, is his basis for this confidence? Is it his deep understanding of you as an individual, or is it his erection?
- Generally, when someone acts weirdly defensive, ask yourself what he’s defending. And in this particular case, ask how your ouchy butthole could ever be a threat.
- If you’re not sure you trust him, you shouldn’t meet him again until you are.
- You should be able to bring all of this up to him and receive a nuanced, adult response that explains more than it obfuscates, without worrying that he’s going to lose his shit or try to deflect. Don’t put someone in charge of you if he can’t articulate why he should be in charge.
As for your own communication skills, I admire any non-native speaker who can communicate at all in English. Good job.