Hi Mr bedtime Sir,
I’m a sub who married a vanilla guy who’s made it clear that he has no interest in exploring kink/fetishes (not his thing). Initially I thought I could live without my kinks because I love him but am now realising it’s a part of who I am and the fact that I’m denying that part of me to keep him happy is making me grow resentful toward him. We have young children and he’s good to me so I won’t be leaving him but I really miss playing with a Dom, being choked and called daddy’s little cum slut. Am I crazy for wanting the best of both worlds ? What would you suggest I do ? I’m desperate for any advice at this stage.
(submitted by: Anonymous)
Here’s the truth: you’re going to cheat on him. It’s inevitable. There’s going to come a day when he makes you feel particularly hard and cold, someone else is going to make you feel weak and melty, and it’s going to occur to you that your husband will never know how to heal the wounds he inflicts. The story tells itself from there.
So knowing you’re going to cheat, what do you do about that? Sticking around isn’t just going to make you resent him… you’ll start to resent the kids, too. You can’t give up everything you are, in silence, without recompense, for the sake of others, and end up happy. Even a total service slut needs a bit of acknowledgement, and you’re talking about sacrifices made in the dark.
I guess there are alternatives. Are you depressed? For reasons other than your lack of kinky sex, I mean. If so, getting on an SSRI might make you feel better and —as a handy side-effect— hobble your sex drive. Of course, that will also make you less interested in vanilla sex, which he might begin to resent, and then you’re just praying he’s as devoted to the marital pact as you were back when you could still cum. As attractive as it is, avoidance is seldom the answer.
Whatever you decide, no, you’re not crazy. You made a flawed choice in a spouse —or at least failed to negotiate a sustainable deal with one— and now you’re unhappy. That’s not only not-crazy, it’s positively mundane… as “tales as old as time” go, yours can trade punches with Beauty and the Beast.
Good luck, kid.