hi mr bedtime :)) i hope youre having a great day !!!! i have a question about like how to control possessiveness in a relationship because its kinda like driving me crazy just how insanely jealous i feel about my boyfriend and i feel like im also hurting him a lot too and idk i kinda wanted to know if youve ever been through a situation like that (even if youre the one feeling jealous or if it was a partner you had that felt that way). im just asking because really love all of your advices and i read every single one of them and i also try to take the best out of everything that im reading so idk lol i guess just thank you for being you..
First, you’re welcome.
Second: I have indeed been faced with people who feel possessive about me. The self-aware ones know that I do all the possessing around here, and they have enough love for and faith in me to surrender to the asymmetry of their situations. The rest eventually learn that they can never be what I need, and just as importantly, they deserve someone who needs what they are.
Because you’re not obligated to be not-jealous. It’s not the most flattering look, no, but it’s human, and you get to be human. You just have to periodically remind yourself that the yearning for control and fear of abandonment that drives most jealousy is —in horror movie terms— coming from inside the house. You can experience it while acknowledging that it’s not a problem for him to solve.
Grow or don’t. It’s up to you.