I made a huge mistake but I didn’t know it at the time. I had sex with a friend in my friends with benefits group. I had a very rough time lately, a lot of has happened that didn’t go my way and this friend, well, he’s been a good friend for so long and we had drinks, and I was vulnerable and sad and it happened. And I should never have because if that gets out then there will be drama for me. I wake up everyday with so much regret and I can’t even look at myself… and I trusted him and I think I have an STI now. Need to confirm with a doctor but I can’t help but feel embarrassed and so shit, and filled with regret.
I just feel really disgusted at myself, if my friends find out, it’s going to be horrible, I will feel judged, and I can’t handle that right now I have an STI and it feels so wrong. On top of all this, I really like a guy a lot but we’re not in a relationship but I feel like I cheated on him. I confessed to him I had sex with this friend but he doesn’t know about the STI. Everything is wrong with me and idk how much more I can handle.
What do I do? How do I keep everything together when these thoughts make me cry every waking hour?
(submitted by: Anonymous)
Sweetheart, stop trying to keep everything together. Some things need to be taken apart so you can inspect them properly.
Think about it:
- Your “good friend” waited to fuck you until you were drunk, vulnerable, and sad, apparently without protection.
- You’re hanging around people whom you expect to shame you about your sexual partners.
- You like a guy so much that you feel like you’ve cheated on him, yet you aren’t in a relationship.
Basically, you’re bending over backward to style yourself a gross, disease-ridden, faithless, hapless whore, because it’s easier than looking at your friend group and seeing that you don’t feel safe with them. You’d rather self-flagellate than demand the respect you’re due from the people who should care about you.
Quit beating yourself up just to save everyone else the effort. You’ve got at least one immediate problem —that potential STI— and you need support while you deal with it. You deserve support. And if your friends won’t provide it, then you need to stop worrying about them at all.
Take care of yourself, kid.