You, Sir, are exactly the kind of asshole I would bend myself over backwards (break my back) just to see a hint of your smile.
In another life, I found your blog and pursued you endlessly. I asked you for advice, guidance, direction. Pestered you with questions and eventually got you on a call. Smoked weed on camera with you and let loose every insecurity and my inherent desire for a strong hand. I set up cameras in my apartment for you and quickly left behind my misaprehensions that this body belongs to anyone but you. You had any unseemly habits and annoying characteristics trained out of me within months (my need to please you a driving force to begin with, only flourished under your attentions), and before long you asked me to visit. I hoped that you would take me from my life and hide me from the world, but alas you returned me to my life, absolutely ruined. Forever craving the smell of you in me. And then slowly you forgot about me. You didn’t care when I picked up some of my bad habits again, didn’t watch me anymore, and forgot to call. And I couldn’t even resent you for it. All I could say was thank you for letting me experience being seen by you, for even that short time was a miracle in itself.
(submitted by: Anonymous)
That’s not a bad bit of alternate-timeline speculation, but there are a few implausabilities in there.
- Unseemly habits and annoying characteristics aren’t so easily “trained out”. And just as importantly, finding some of that irritating shit charming is a prerequisite for my lifestyle.
- No one in my orbit is expecting to “hide from the world”… I’m going to put your ass out there in it, where I expect you to do a passable imitation of competent adulthood. I demand more from you, not less.
- I don’t do the whole “forget” thing all that well. Aside from my first couple girlfriends —circa 1989— I still love all the people I’ve ever loved. I still talk to them all —with a few exceptions— at least once a week. And those exceptions are people who need to get on with their lives but never will if I’m always there.
- Multiverse You seems to have done everything right, so I doubt things would have worked out that way for her. If someone is making my life easier and her own better, I’m not just going to randomly lose interest… I’m going to keep pushing her to find a place in my world.
With that said, you’re right, you wouldn’t feel resentment.
After all, why would you resent someone who gave you more than you deserved, and simply expected your best?