I have enjoyed your blog for a while and wondered if I may get your advice on a dilemma I’m having.

A guy I’ve been chatting to for quite a while has asked me to be his pet slave. I have told him my limits and boundaries, and he says slaves don’t get limits. He wants me to be his slave in and out of the bedroom. The situation is more complicated as we live over 20 miles from each other. I don’t have a car, and I also have a young child. I have such anxiety about being his slave out of the bedroom as I have so many responsibilities. I’m scared I will constantly fail him due to attending to my child or my grandmother. I also care for 5 days a week, my household responsibilities, and all the things that come with the above. I also have very severe anxiety, which I take medication for as well as depression and am subject to weekly (almost) migraines and other health conditions. He owns a couple of businesses, and I’m just not sure how this would work. He seems confident it can work, and maybe it’s just my anxiety talking, but I’m so scared that I will just fail him and disappoint him, and he’ll leave.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated thank you for your time and sorry for going on a bit

Kiddo… wow. I don’t enjoy being this negative about someone you like, but… yikes.

You are not describing a serious man, sweetie.

• You’ve been “chatting to [him] for quite a while”. Yet you either haven’t talked before about limitations, or you have talked about them and he bait-n-switched you once you were invested. In the former case, why the fuck is he soliciting you for unbounded sexual submission without even having some sort of preliminary discussion about Shit You Can’t Do, or How Others Will Be Affected? In the latter case, you can see how that makes him a malicious asshole, right?
• Based on everything you’re saying, I’m assuming he didn’t ask you about your limits or boundaries. So do me a favor and think about how incurious he’d have to be to not bring it up. This is clearly not a deep thinker. You are a human being, who has accrued a collection of dependencies and responsibilities and passions and fears, all of which need to be addressed in some way when talking about enslaving you. You don’t cease to exist as both entity and necessity for your kid or grandma just ‘cause he says so. You shouldn’t need to ask a weird internet guy what to do… he should be listening to you, and should have already presented his broad-strokes plan for dealing with your concerns. But he hasn’t because he doesn’t care. Perhaps because he’s dumb, perhaps because none of this is real to him, perhaps because he your life doesn’t matter… whatever the case, you’ve got a problem.
• If I poke a peanut down Blossom’s throat, there’s a decent chance she’ll die. (Or just wish she were dead.) Assuming I’m not out of my fucking mind, that’s a limit right there. I’m not a fucking faith-healer, and my semen —sadly— cannot cure her allergies… no matter how masterly my masterosity, one peanut = one dead piggy. So slaves not only “get” limits, they often come with them baked into their genes.
• He can tell you what he expects of you, but he can’t tell you what “slaves” get. The world is full of service perverts who “get” all kinds of things he either can’t or won’t provide, and if you want any of them, you can have ‘em from someone else. His is not the only game in town, no matter how much he’d prefer you believe otherwise. This rejection of limitation is an aspect of this one man, not of sexual slavery in general.
• Men who crave complete control should crave complete understanding. Absolutely nothing you’ve said suggests you feel understood.
• I’m now going to give you the one piece of criticism I have to aim directly at you: it is ridiculous that you are so much as considering being someone’s “pet slave” when you have even one immutable, preeminent responsibility… much less two. Because yes, even if he were a thoughtful, empathetic, reasonable man, you’d still end up struggling to make him happy. Your world is busy and complicated, and adding him to the mix will make it dramatically more so… your relationship should be designed to give you lots of opportunities to succeed, but you’re setting yourself up for systemic failure.
• It’s not just your anxiety talking. In the most charitable read of the situation, he is startlingly naive.
• Stop worrying about him leaving, and start thinking about what it would take to make you stay. You should not involve yourself in all-consuming servitude out of submissive FOMO… you do it because he deserves your absolute devotion, and anything less is unthinkable. You’re nowhere close to that, and I don’t see how he’s even trying to get you there. He’s bringing you greater doubt, not certainty.

At the very least, he needs a reality check. Sit his ass down and insist he use his big-boy words to explain how he’s gonna fit in your world, how he’s gonna help you win, how he’ll use the inevitable losses to teach you lessons, and generally assure you that your very reasonable concerns are being very soberly considered and handled by a qualified adult.

And be careful. People are counting on you.