Anonymous asked:

Could you do 1998? 👉🏼👈🏼 If you don’t mind

My memories are sharpest every other decade… so the 20teens, the ‘90s, and the ‘70s meant the most to me. And ‘98 was a fairly interesting year.

• “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” Bill is a pedant, as well as an asshole… he knew damned well he was busted, but he found a phrasing —“sexual relations”— that gave his lie deniability.
• Compaq bought DEC… and now no one even remembers Compaq. I mean, autocorrect just tried to change “Compaq” to “compact” because it didn’t know what the fuck I was talking about. (A few years later, I would buy a Compaq iPAQ —autocorrect thought I meant “iPad”— which was the first fully worthwhile Pocket PC. It’s key characteristic was its “sled” accessory system… modems, card slots, GPS receivers, etc.)
• Mary Kay Latourneau got herself sent back to the pen, presumably ‘cause she found skinny teenaged nerd-dick to be irresistible.
• Titanic won a bunch of Academy Awards, and… I’m okay with that. Personally, I would have given Jim Cameron an Oscar for The Abyss before Titanic, but fine, it was a very good —and vastly over-hyped— movie.
• The Teletubbies debuted in the US, and creeped me the fuck out.
• Phil Hartman’s wife did too much Prozac and cocaine —emphasis on “cocaine”, thanks a lot, Andy Dick— and she murder-suicided one of the finest comic actors of his generation. Phil would be retired in his 70s today, but he would have made the 21st century funnier.
• I watched every televised game of The Bulls final three-peat season, and it was indeed a grand thing… for all his unrivaled greatness in so many areas, Jordan’s sense of theater was a defining feature. Kobe had a flair for the dramatic —he loved the dagger at the buzzer— but Mike was something… else. He didn’t just want the spotlight… he craved the whole fucking stage. He made it all about him while getting the best out of everyone around him, which is a pretty fair definition of “god” if you ask me. Michael Jordan: the NBA’s deus ex machina. (P.S.: I actually liked The Wizards Years.)
• Saving Private Ryan: one of those movies I may have watched, but instantly forgot. Spielberg has a spotty record with me, with insanely high points like Jaws and Schindler’s List, and are-you-kidding-me wastes of time like Minority Report and Hook, with merely competent fare like SPR and West Side Story in the middle.
• A certain kind of person went to watch Barry Levinson’s Wag the Dog in ‘97, and by ‘98, they were radicalized. When Clinton launched airstrikes in August, people were less worried about the ethics or efficacy of the strikes than with the idea that they were launched to distract from the cigar-cooch scandal.
• Google was founded, and AltaVista suffered a fatal wound it would not notice for several years.
• Mark McGwire set a tainted record, and we all knew it was tainted before anyone had proof. The Body That Anabolic Steroids Built looked like a Pixar superhero’s, so his juicing was as obvious as Pam Anderson’s bolt-ons. And just like those gloriously fake titties, we didn’t care that it was unreal. We liked watching someone cheat his way to dominance… which is a flaw/feature of the American character that’s always been there.
• Sonny Fucking Bono delivered one of the biggest corporate giveaways in American history with his 20 year extension to copyright.
• The DMCA also passed, and we’re still dealing with it decades later.
• The Bellagio opened in Vegas, and a few months later I was watching the fountains and exploring the Vanderpump-esque interior. It was a nice place.
• John Glenn made it back to orbit at 77, and I was proud of him.
• On this episode of Maury: the DNA tests came back, and Thomas Jefferson fathered a child on Sally Hemings. Which really shouldn’t have surprised anyone, because it feels like cognitive dissonance was TJ’s default state. The most articulate proponent of individual liberty in the world, aaaaaaand a slave-rapist… he was quite a package.
• A Bug’s Life was released, and promptly drilled a hole in Antz’ exoskeleton and fucked it to death. And while I’m a fan of early Woody Allen, I feel like he was a weird choice for the lead in a kids’ movie in ‘98.
• Seinfeld decided to go out on a high note; I’ve come to respect the finale more with time, but it’s still more satisfying than funny.
• “I don’t wanna wait, for my life to be overrrrrr, I wanna know right now, what will it be…?” I was kind of a Pacey who wanted to be a Dawson… which means I was basically Pacey.
• I never watched a single ep of Two Guys, A Girl, and a Pizza Place, but I damned sure knew it existed. That title stuck with ya.
• The Simple Life, X Play, Sex and the City, That ‘70s Show, City Confidential, and Felicity all debuted. My take, in order: amusing, glorious, frustrating, funny, creepy-cool, and Keri Russell was adorable.
• Mr. Show with Bob & David went away, and it made me want to blow up the moon.
• Blade, A Simple Plan, Elizabeth, and Out of Sight were in theaters. Out of Sight, by the way, is still one of only three Steven Soderbergh films I genuinely admire.
• Rob Halford came out of the closet, and a very specific group of people were scandalized.
• Madonna’s “Frozen” was the best thing she’d done in years. She followed it up with “Ray of Light”, which extended her shelf-life by another decade.
• The Gary Cherone version of Van Halen appeared, and everyone quietly agreed to pretend we didn’t notice.
• *NSYNC released their debut, and I didn’t give one microscopic fuck.
• Geri left the Spice Girls, and I’m not proud to admit this, but I cared more than I have ever cared about anything Taylor Swift has ever done. I was just starting to like those silly girls, and they immediately began falling apart.
• “Girls you know you better watch out, some guys —some guys— are all about, that thing, that thing, that thing…”
• “Pretty Fly (for a White Guy)” isn’t the best of The Offspring —that would be “Self-Esteem”— but it’s damned close.
• Sorry Brandy, but I would have given it to Monica in a heartbeat. If it’s any consolation, you’ll always have Ray J.