foreverexploringsexuality asked:

1. The earth is flat.

2. Religion isn’t fascist bureaucracy poorly cosplaying as sincerity.

3. Mint chocolate chip is a bad flavour of ice cream.

4. Africa – no not the song, I’m talking about the country.

5. Allison’s makeover in The Breakfast Club was a directorial stroke of genius.

6. Spotted Dick can be ordered in a restaurant without laughing.

7. The early 2000s rumour was true and Ciara is in fact a man.

8. Card game rules are easy to remember.

9. My Wife and Kids deserved to be cancelled.

10. The Swiss Alps > French Alps.

(because stupidity is a comforting respite for now ❤️‍🩹)

This calls for a whimsical response.

• The world is, in fact, a disc, sitting upon the backs of four giant elephants, who are, in turn, standing atop the carapace of a space-turtle named A’Tuin. Or Tony, as I like to call him… we’re buds.

• Religion is the corporatization of spirituality. It is faith-by-committee. It exists not to celebrate, but to perpetuate. Also it killed my father… prepare to die.
• I don’t care enough about ice cream to have an opinion. But give me a box of Junior Mints and we’re having a party.
• That “I’m talking about the country” made me chuckle. And reminded me that the funniest fucking rant I have ever personally heard was a North African girl going off for about 15 minutes about how much she hated Toto’s “Africa”, only to realize at some point that she was actually talking about Band Aid’s “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” Her points were rock-solid… once I figured out what she was talking about.
• I haven’t watched TBC in at least 30 years, but I did watch Brats this week. And I’m thinking, “All I’ve learned here is that the least talented member of The Brat Pack thinks his career tanked because of a magazine article that no one actually read.” Andrew, buddy… she should have gone with Ducky. I’m sorry, but it’s true.
• Spotted Dick can be ordered in a restaurant…?
• I had no idea that rumor existed. I remember “1, 2 Step”, but I don’t recall thinking she was packing a dong. What else did I miss? Did Kelis have a tail? Was Cassie a victim of horrific domestic vio— wait, now I’m confused.
• That’s the hidden genius of Uno… the cards refuse to let you forget the rules.
• Was that Damon Wayans? There’s a whole raft of 2K sitcoms that zoomed right past me… for example, if Kevin James hadn’t made Paul Blart, I wouldn’t even know he exists. I honestly don’t know what happened with me and sitcoms in the 2Ks… I loved Scrubs, and dabbled in some quickly-canceled crap like Off Centre, but I veered hard into hour-long drama and dramedy during that era.
• I’ve never been anywhere but Canada, so I don’t have opinions about the Alps. But I’m a man of a certain age, so I do have thoughts about Transalpine Gaul.