[TRIGGER WARNING: body image stuff]
You look so nervous, poor things. Try to relax; I’m not going to hurt you! We’re going to play a fun little game, the rules of which you learned way back in high school.
I’m going to sit silently while you two stand there exposed; in turn, you’ll each use the skills you’ve developed over a lifetime of culturally-conditioned envy and suspicion of other women to draw my attention to one another’s physical flaws, aesthetic failings, and lack of femininity. The winner will be the first girl to convince me that her opponent is the most asymmetrical, splotchy, weird, and sexually inadequate chick in the room, and will thus be allowed to sit on my lap and feel special while we laugh at the runner-up, just to see if she’ll cry.
The game is called You’re Not Worth Fucking, and if you don’t mind me saying so, I’m certain you’ve both got what it takes to lose.