Here’s how you properly take a whore into the woods:
- Go at night, dusk at the earliest. Also, stick to springtime; you want lots of forest noises.
- Strip your bitch down, tie her to the tree, and blindfold her.
- Tell her you’re going back to the car for something, or you’re just bored with her and want a nap.
- Circle back and flank her from a distance, gathering a couple handfuls of large rocks.
- Begin throwing the rocks into the woods opposite of your last known location. If you’re ambitious, try distributing the rocks so that something seems to be moving closer to her.
- Slowly approach her, taking care to ensure that you’re making more noise with the rocks than your feet.
- Once you’re in range, grab a fistful of her hair and growl at her.
The scream will be epic. Trust me.