- My little corner of the universe probably isn’t the best place for a newbie to be seeking counsel. I hope you’re also getting input from people who don’t traffic in blurred lines and tightrope walking.
- Let’s put the “no anal” limit aside for a moment. Instead, let’s talk about how “that’s stupid” is an unusual response to being told about someone’s trauma, but what really sets off an alarm is the dismissive silence that followed. If you’re with a sadist —and asking my opinion suggests you lean that way—he might do many things with this information… he might dig deeper and leave you feeling exposed, he might turn your confession against you, he might train you to beg for what you used to fear, or he might say, “cool, not a problem, we’ll even have ‘the lady would prefer not’ tattooed around your asshole as a reminder.” What he won’t say is nothing. Silence is what you get from incurious idiots. Why on earth would you let one of those touch you, girl?
- He wasn’t making jokes. You know that, but you continue to use his framing in your narrative. Stop it. He was threatening you. Say it. “He was threatening me.” There’s nothing wrong with taking the blame for a man, my dear, but only take it for one who’s worth it.
- You’re presumably sane. The only reason you’re shouting your safeword is that you’re experiencing intense distress, of which he seems otherwise unaware. His instant thought upon hearing it should be, “Something’s not going according to plan,” not “fucking A, I knew she’d be a bitch about it!” But the truth is, he wasn’t unaware. He knew how you’d react. He was just hoping you’d let him get away with it. He was hoping you’d be too weak to even find your voice at that crucial moment. Must suck for him, being so wrong… probably why he hasn’t come back around.
- No, dummy. You didn’t do something wrong. Unless you count “hooking up with an ambulatory shitstain,” but if that’s wrong, then you’ve got a world full of bad company.
Take care of yourself, kiddo.