…she’s not one enjoy reliving or focusing those experiences as a form of arousal. She enjoys very much so being submissive in the bedroom among other aspects of bdsm, but with blowjobs and doggy style I can see a panic attack approaching. Do you have any thoughts on how to overcome these hurdles or do you think we should make peace with the limitations?
Unsexy answer time!
First, it’s very cool that you’re thinking it through before charging ahead. Well done. One of the most important parts of owning a girl is one that’s never seen and gets you little credit… the time you spend thinking about her, and how to make her all she can be.
Let’s address your question first: the way to overcome those hurdles is to go very, very slowly, and talk incessantly. Help her find ways to recontextualize your present activities or her past misfortunes in a way that brings you closer together and makes her feel at peace, even in the midst of an intense experience. It’s really easy to say, and really hard to do.
But now I have questions. Two, to be precise.
- Is this a project you truly wish to undertake? Best case scenario: you end up with a vibrantly sexual, loving submissive who is utterly dependent on you to access that part of her personality… which yeah, sounds awesome, but man, heavy is the head that wears that fucking crown. Worst case? You burn years of both your lives trying to turn her into something she doesn’t know how to be. Which brings me to…
- Is this something she truly wants? Is she even in a place —relative to her past— where she can approach and analyze it fruitfully? I could easily be misreading, but there’s something in your description that makes her sound exceedingly fragile. Not that fragility is a flaw or whatever… it’s just something that makes it harder for you to deal with her confidently and competently. And she needs confident competence from you, ‘cause she has zero idea of how to generate it herself.
That’s about all I can say, knowing what I know. I hope things work out for both of you.