My practical advice is simple: get used to it.
One of the first warnings I give anyone becoming close to me is: “if this has to end, we’ll end it in a grown-up and reasonable fashion— but for you, it’s not going to be over when it ends.” Once you’ve allowed a certain sort of man to purposefully tamper with your self-image and steer your life, it’s going to be extremely challenging to get him back out of your head, even when he’s no longer around. So be very, very careful when you’re developing a little crush on a mean man… that kind of crush can suddenly consume your future.
Which isn’t to say you can’t get over him; you certainly can. But the only successful options I’ve seen are:
- Find another “man like me” who’s better-suited to you, and throw yourself at him. But make sure you’re trading up… if the new one isn’t obviously better for you than the old one, you’re just going to drift back over and over.
- Shut down your sexuality. Pour yourself into your work, get on an aggressive dose of antidepressants, put all your spare time into the gym, or get thee to a nunnery… whatever it takes to redirect and exhaust your energy. Stay busy, stay tired, and stay away from anything that reminds you of how right it felt to be under his thumb.
No matter what you choose, you need to do what it takes to have the life that’s meant for you.
And if that sounds like an impossible task, well… there’s a reason you’re in this position, isn’t there, honey?