…but I’m smart enough to know when I’m being manipulated and I pick up hints and get bad vibes. I’m attached to him and every time I leave him he always talks me into coming back. He promises it’ll get better once I’m “trained” but for training he wants things that I’m not comfortable with at all and things that could get me in trouble. If I say so he gets upset and says I’m not dedicated or worthy enough. Ive told him before that it feels toxic but he says I’m being unreasonable and he’s trying to help me be good for him. And that puts doubt in my mind about leaving. From an outsiders perspective is this toxic and something I need to leave?
I’m seeing all kinds of stuff here.
- “…someone who calls themself a dominant.” There’s more than a hint of skepticism in that phrasing, as if you feel misled. It’s not the sort of thing I expect from someone who’s even slightly happy with a partner.
- “…every time I leave him…” Why has there been an “every time”? Give him second chances before you leave, not after.
- Why is he “always [talking you] into coming back”? If you’re going to let a man mold you into some frightening new shape, he should be the kind of man you can’t live without… you should be clawing at his door at 2am begging to be let back in, not patiently waiting to be wooed with promises of how Things Will Be Different.
- The more you obey, the easier obedience will become… he’s got that much right. But I see no indication that you share his vision for you, nor do you seem ready to replace your vision with his… without that sort of unification, his promises are hollow. You’ve gotta be on the same team.
- If you’re not dedicated or worthy, why is he involved with you at all? If I had a girl who was detached and actually worthless, I’d forget the bitch existed, not spin her fanciful tales of A Better Day To Come. (HINT: “you’re not good enough but please don’t leave me” is not something you ever want to hear from a man who wants to be in control.)
- I don’t know if it’s toxic yet, but it’s heading there. Don’t let guilt and the sunk-cost fallacy trap you just as you’re about to reach the exit.