My friends can’t wait to have kids, and our culture seems to hype it up, but the potential of a “destroyed” vagina, a “ruined” body, and possible loss of satisfying sex life just really makes me question whether it’s worth it or not.
You’re using a lot of guyspeak while talking about a uniquely female experience… you need to spend a little more time talking to other women about the topic.
And believe me, as someone who has chosen a life of child-free relationships, I’m very aware of how hard it is to follow through on the above suggestion. I’m aware of the layers of politely judgmental pressure that child-bearing women place on their childless sisters, and I know the idea of talking aloud about not wanting kids —even/especially with close friends—can feel like a self-destructive indulgence… but you can’t just bounce these thoughts off men. (Unless they’re obstetricians, I suppose.)
With that said…
Do I think it’s overrated? I mean, who am I —of all people— to question socially sanctioned trauma-bonding and chemical addiction? (It’s kinda cool, in that sense.) For some people, it’s the sense of purpose they need. And on the odd occasion that things go right, I’m sure it’s a beautiful experience.
So I don’t think it’s overrated, so much as its infinitely harder than most people are capable of conveying. You can do everything right or everything wrong, and some outside event can invalidate your every effort. Maybe you’ll get a lovely human being, maybe you’ll get a junkie con-man, maybe you’ll get a burden who will hang upon you all your days, maybe you’ll get a stalwart soul who will always believe in the best version of you. Insidiously, it’s possible you’ll get a mixture; it’s more disturbingly random than anyone likes to admit. You’re effectively gambling on the roll of the dice and your good intentions.
It’s not for me. And there’s nothing wrong with you if it isn’t for you. And you need to internalize that quickly, because you don’t deserve to spend your life waiting for a regret you’ve been assured you’ll feel.
Live your life. Or if you insist on living someone else’s, at least make sure it’s someone who makes you really wet. Don’t leave it to the group of moms at work who keep coming to your cubicle to ask how the husband search is going and if you’ve read the latest research about how babies of older moms are all kind of boring.