I used my safe word with my Dom for something I’m usually fine with. He stopped as he always does but said he was disappointed. How would you suggest dealing with the guilt that follows because I only ever want to please him and I failed
(submitted by: Anonymous)
If you’re dealing with a reasonably conscientious dom, you’ll seldom need to safeword during edgier activities because he’ll know he’s doing something extreme or unfamiliar and will be paying extra attention to your reactions.
It’s the “something I’m usually fine with” scenarios where safewords are most useful. Unforeseen problems, in unexpected moments… that’s what it’s all about. You’ve got no reason to feel guilty, because he’s got no reason to be disappointed… the system worked as designed. You didn’t fail.
And if you know him to be a decent guy, I’d suggest giving him a chance to revisit his reaction… that disappointment he expressed might have been an imprudent choice of words in the moment, rather than a carefully phrased declaration of dismay. You might be beating yourself up over nothing.
Or he’s a dick.