seven characters you relate to?
(submitted by: Anonymous)
Okay, no problem. Let me think.
- Michael Bluth (Arrested Development)
- Al Swearengen (Deadwood)
- William “the Bloody” Pratt (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
- Hank Hill (King of the Hill)
- John Dorian (Scrubs)
- Ted Lasso (seriously?)
- Rachel Goldberg (UnReal)
Okay, so maybe a bonus seven.
- Jude (Across the Universe)
- Fred Rogers (as depicted in A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood)
- Jeffrey Beaumont (Blue Velvet)
- Ralphie Parker (A Christmas Story)
- Charles Foster Kane (Citizen Kane)
- Officer Daniels (Compliance)
- Laurence Jamieson (Dirty Rotten Scoundrels)
I feel like a third seven is in order:
- some days A.Burr, some days A.Ham (Hamilton)
- Charlie Fox (The Mosquito Coast)
- Benedick (Much Ado About Nothing)
- Christian (Moulin Rouge!)
- William of Baskerville (The Name of the Rose)
- Dave (Nomadland)
- Lloyd Dobler (Say Anything)
You’ve already got me going through my movie library, so fuck you if you only wanted seven.
- Barry Champlain (Talk Radio)
- Dale Cooper (Twin Peaks)
- Willy Wonka (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory)
- Bruno (Encanto)
- Phillip Jennings (The Americans)
- Gaius Baltar (Battlestar Galactica)
- Butt-head (Beavis & Butt-head)
I just realized I had the library filtered. Now I’m going through it again. Oh, and why are we playing your little “seven” game at all? This isn’t your show. We do this my way.
- Walter White (Breaking Bad)
- Tyrion Lannister (the show that shall not be named)
- Gordon Clark (Halt and Catch Fire)
- David Haller (Legion)
- Quentin Coldwater (The Magicians)
- Elliot Alderson (Mr. Robot)
- Jimmy McNulty (The Wire)
- every single fucking thing James Spader has ever done
Random post-list thoughts: There. Behold an array of villains, heroes, and mediocre speedbumps on someone else’s road to greatness.
Two or three girls slipped in; I don’t know if that’s low or high. (Damn it, I forgot to include Ripley from Aliens!) Many of these selections are unflattering for various reasons. And check out those daddy issues… virtually none of those characters have functional paternal relationships. I’m trying to decide who’s the worst human being among them… I’m leaning toward Baltar, but maybe Walter.
Just as a “let the old person tell you about aging” thing, it’s worth noting that once you get old enough, you start to segment your life. You break it down into little epochs… I doubt we all do it the same, but for me, it’s childhood to my mid-twenties, my mid-twenties to my mid-forties, and finally… now. And you can kind of see why by looking at these picks… I’m recognizably different people at different ages. There’s only just a fragment of Lloyd Dobler left in me today, but we had much in common, once upon a time. The me of a former epoch would be a bit confused by my combined adoration of Al Swearengen and Ted Lasso… but that’s okay, he has much to learn about being me.
The point being, don’t ever lose track of the fact that your fucking life can swivel at any moment. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, your mind will mark it as a fundamental shift in your direction. You will be new, even if you don’t notice it for a long, long time. That’s okay, you have much to learn about being you.
Just remember —whenever things are going well or worse— that by the time you’re my age, there will have been three or four versions of your stupid ass running around. And thus know that all things shall pass.