It’s a red flag in the sense that it’s a matter of concern requiring discussion. But it’s not automatically disqualifying… it’s a case-by-case thing.
But assuming we move forward, I don’t ignore it. As with self-pleasure, self-reliance, and other self-ish things, self-harm is an indulgence to be stripped from her. She doesn’t own that skin, that stomach, or the hands that she uses to claw at herself. They’re mine. If I want any of them to hurt, I’ll make it so. If she wants any of them to hurt, she can ask. Her nerve endings and gastrointestinal system answer to me, not her neuroses.
Because she finally has something more dreadful in her life than self-loathing and compulsion: my disapproval.