Any advice?
My girl and I, we were doing some rape play. It seemed like everything was going well, until she blurted out the safe word mid moan. Naturally, everything came to a halt and I immediately asked what was wrong and if I can help. She was having a really bad panic attack. I held her, we cuddled while I gave her a back rub and lots of kisses. My issue is… She wants to try again tomorrow and I feel like that’s really soon and I’m concerned about triggering her again. I asked what she thinks might have lead to her panic attack and she said her own thoughts… And idk how to help that. If you’ve any advice or even any of your followers whom may have advice, it would be greatly appreciated.
Okay, this is going to be tough for you… I know I couldn’t make sense of it when I was younger. So if it sounds daunting, you may be in over your head… and there’s not one damned thing wrong with that. You sound like a thoughtful, considerate person, and if you decide you can’t do something, I hope everyone involved can respect that decision.
But here’s the thing: I know you want to protect her, but you’ve got to relax.
You are engaging in rape play. We call it “play” so it doesn’t spook the mundanes, but if she’s in the right headspace, her consent doesn’t make it feel any less real. That’s the point. She’s trying to get as close to the sensation as she can with someone she trusts, and part of that process is the occasional panic attack. You did your job… you pushed her to the edge she wants to reach. And she did her job… she let you know she couldn’t go on. Your response was impeccable, and impressed her so much that she’s eager to immediately try again. She wants to taste it even more now, because she knows she’s being raped by a good man.
If you have discussed this stuff extensively like adults —and your tone suggests you have— it’s time to stop putting the brakes on who she is… tear her open and see what’s hiding inside. That twinge of discomfort you’re feeling? Appreciate it. A sadist with a conscience seldom runs out of masochists.
Just do not fuck this up by babying a grown-ass woman who’s looking for the opposite. You absolutely mean well, but if you push her away sexually right now, she is going to feel rejected, her faith in the safeword process will be diminished, and she’s going to be less comfortable being vulnerable with you. She is trying to show you just how much it means to her, that you will go to That Place with her and bring her back… so whatever you choose to do, remember that, and weigh your words accordingly.
Again, if you can’t do it… don’t. Be what you are, and nothing else. But I feel she needs your confident acceptance of what happened, not a nervous withdrawal into unwanted caution.