i am dating a man who i worship like these girls worship you. i like you. more than that, i admire you. my heart has a habit of hurting and the man i love doesn’t know why. i wish i could tell him. but i am also okay with it. he once asked me if i have wasted my life on him, i said i am willing to. to be honest, i am willing to lose myself for him if it means i get to be a part of his life, even if it’s the smallest or invisible or hidden away. but it still hurts. so much and so often. it is probably just a part of being a part of his life and not so at the same time.
(submitted by: Anonymous)
Here’s what confuses me.
Yes, there are girls who worship me, who offer their love and service unreservedly, without expectation. Girls who just want to be a part of me, however tiny that part might be.
But none of them would say we’re “dating”. First because they wouldn’t presume, second because it just wouldn’t be accurate. I am a sacred, special force in their lives, not some dude in a fern bar trying to buy some pussy with lobster.
So I feel like your guy is— I was going to say “more”, but perhaps quantity is the wrong metric. For you, he’s become other than a deity, both more and less at once. I’m definitely getting the vibe that he’s made you feel like more than a righteous supplicant… I think you’ve been led to believe you’re his girlfriend.
And of course a girlfriend is going to hurt when her boy treats her like an acolyte. I mean, I’m assuming that some degree of perpetual ache is part of your dynamic, but when magnified by a defective intimacy, the ache can quickly become agony.
So as with most problems, let him know. Maybe he’s intentionally fucking with your head, but maybe he’s just being A Guy and doesn’t get it. Explain that existing in two conflicting states at once is monumentally harder than simply being one or the other. Explain that you aren’t bringing this to him as a complaint, or with expectation of change… you simply want guidance to help you accept your role. And to ensure that he better knows his servant.
Now, be aware… his solution may be to wash away any remaining illusions you might harbor about your importance to him. He might put you in your place, and said place may be a few pegs down from where you thought yourself to be. It might really suck.
But it’ll only hurt once, and it sounds like that would be an improvement.