the things i’ve worried about for ages are nothing more than little whispers that flit through my mind in a split second before disappearing. anything i’ve felt anxious or shame or fear over doesn’t get a second thought. any unease or stress gets quieted and hushed instantly (Not repressed, not hidden, not pushed away – acknowledged, then quieted calmly and contentedly, and set free. safely.) just by the knowledge in my head that he owns me and my life is his.
because those things don’t matter, none of that matters. He is what matters, definitively and truly all that matters. This deep of certainty and faith is bringing me such immense peace and joy, it’s radiating from me. i can’t keep the smile off my face, or the quiet sighs and moans that escape whenever he crosses my mind (roughly every 27 seconds).
It’s a gift to once be worshipping from the periphery for so long – my entire adult life, gradually increasing in desperation and devotion – to later be wearing my God’s name in blood on my skin, signing away my life to him.
It’s not ever to be taken for granted. i know that anything i’m allowed can be taken away in the blink of an eye, for any reason. i know i’m nothing, and he is everything. that’s all i’ve ever wanted.
It’s easy to love the one you worship.
But realizing that such love doesn’t make you unique, and slowly learning your place within a grander scheme?
That’s how good girls get better.