I know a guy who’s like you, and I am so in love with him because he makes me feel so confused and conflicted. Sometimes I think I hate him because he’s such an awful person, but he’s the only person I’ve loved for many years and I think the two things are related. I don’t really know what to think. I feel worried whenever I think about the ethics of loving men who I think are morally bad. What should I do?
You think he’s an awful person. That’s really all you needed to say. He can pervert your morals and habits and instincts, but if it’s meant for you, everything wrong about him will feel safe and right. And if it doesn’t…? Just walk away. Somewhere out there is a sinner better suited to your sins.
As an aside, you guys have some kind of weird energy between you that is foreign to me. I mean, you sometimes hate him. The girls around me are sometimes terrified of me because I can rather casually shift their understanding of who they are in one or two sentences, but it’s a fear that blossoms into gratitude when they settle down and discover they suddenly see the world in a new way.
We’re all about love in this shack, man.