here’s my truth i need advice: i fucking love getting fat shamed in bed. i love being degraded in general but i have an ED so making fun of my weight makes me cum like absolutely nothing else. guys telling me i’m a fat whore, no one else wants me, i can’t control myself etc. i’m a little chubby but not actually huge, so the guys i hook up with are not necessarily super into fat girls or anything. is it crazy of me to tell my doms about this kink? i worry it’s too much, too taboo, or there’s just something super unsexy about it, but also on the other hand if they like degrading me for other shit anyway what’s the difference? how would you feel about one of your girls having such an interest?
(submitted by: Anonymous)
Let’s start from the end and work backward.
- Body shaming is a pretty common interest, at least among my fellow travelers. I’ve definitely been with girls who have no interest in it, but at this point, I know more girls who get wet from hearing “fat pig” than those who don’t.
- How do I feel about it? Emotional masochists are just like physical masochists… it’s weird seeing something objectively cruel and hurtful transmuted via Girl Alchemy into tears, giggles, and soaked panties, but it happens. A lot. For which I am eternally grateful.
- Depending on where the dom in question is coming from, it may in fact be taboo or too much. Unless he’s monumentally stupid —and if so, why are you fucking him?— he probably long ago internalized the idea that calling a girl “fat” is a casus belli for a Bobbitting, not an express ticket to Pound Town. It takes time to tease out the distinctions between a hateful insult and an arousing exploration of the ego, and by the time he’s good enough to play those distinctions like an instrument, he’s invested more time in the process than most men want to spend. So while you shouldn’t be afraid to talk about it —you should never fear to speak your truth to someone on your team— neither should you expect an enthusiastic response. He might respect you too much for that… which is a good problem to have, generally speaking.
- Someone who is going to really dig his claws into you —who will happily cross any boundary to mock and degrade every aspect of your self— is going to fall into one of two camps: (a) those who want to speak to you, about you, in a way that makes you feel intimately perceived, and (b) those who openly dislike you and feel powerful when they talk shit to your face. Both spend a lot of time in the Cavern of You, but one’s a spelunker, while the other’s a troll… and that is the difference.
- A guy who’s “into fat girls” isn’t going to give you what you crave, no more than a “no fat chicks” guy. Both types are fixated on how your appearance makes them feel, and not on how you feel about your appearance. Your body isn’t a pudgy cudgel with which a man beats your soul… it’s a sturdy lever he uses to crack you open and feast on your insides. Be a clam, not a target.
- If you pick the right man, yes, your issues with food will be like your issues with your parents, your church, that one mean girl in middle school, the ex-boyfriend who raped you, your touchy-feely gymnastics coach, or your boundary-pushing boss… just another tool he can use to further understand and manipulate your mind.
- If you pick the wrong man, well… look the fuck out. There won’t be much left of you when he’s done.