What a carnival of bullshit you’ve brought to my door.
Jesus.
Based on this list, I guess I’d fuck Demi. There’s no other viable option.
Marry…? Hell, I don’t know… that’s like asking which half of my dick I’d prefer to have grilled over an open flame. (The left, for the record. It’s not my good side.) But Nick Cannon seems to have done well for himself… so fine, I’d marry Mariah.
Which leaves me with building a time machine, traveling back to 1980, and repeatedly kicking Robert Kardashian in the nuts until he’s no longer capable of the vile sexual congress that spawned Ray J’s cumsponge.