Have you got any advice for someone who goes through phases of being hyper sexual and sex repulsed due to past abuse? I feel like I’m super pathetic and needy but sometimes I just don’t want to be touched sexually and still degraded? Idk I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I thought I’d be best to say this anonymously because I’m embarrassed about it

I have thoughts and vague attempts at commiseration, but not much in the way of advice.

I was most definitely hyper-sexual until I hit my late 20s, but I’ve never been sex-repulsed; while I grew up deeper in #metoo territory than I’d like to admit, I was spared that particular outcome. So I don’t have a visceral understanding of what you’re going through.

But honestly, there are probably tons of things wrong with both of us. There always will be. We’ll fix some of the them, and we’ll limp along with the rest. Is this one of those things you need to fix, or is it a problem you’re willing to drag along with you for the rest of your life?

I *will* say that it’s perhaps worrisome that your desire for degradation transcends your sexual response, although my concern is less with *you* than with the men that trait will attract. A guy who knows you want to be dominated and humiliated is going to see your cyclical “frigidity” as a giant, flashing “Violate Me” sign over your cunt; to him, there won’t be a better, more efficient way to give you what you want than to force you to have what you don’t.

Watch your ass out there, sweetheart.